...and the downside of doing it all.

I wrote this yesterday when I was at work:

My life is just so crazy - I wish that I could take a couple days off and get everything under control. I really wish that my mom lived closer so I could drop Charlotte off at her house for 5 hours and clean and pack and all that. Sigh. I seriously have no time in my life - Whenever I'm not taking care of Charlotte, I'm working. I take breaks in those two things to eat/make food. That's it. I don't even shower everyday, and I have these thank you notes from the Christening that aren't done yet.

I never got to do that little scrapbook I wanted to do for Chris and Megan, and I have never washed my floors since that time, like 2 months ago, that I freaked out about it. Even when Matt's like, "Yeah, I'll take Charlotte and you can get stuff done," he's gone for like half an hour, and the only thing I get done is to get caught up on work or dishes. All the big stuff is still sitting out there. Now there is a nagging smell of cat pee in my living room, and I'm not sure if Maddie peed somewhere in my scrapbooking stuff.

I can't even do that stuff tonight when I get home for work because I have a dinner I have to cook (I have the recipe and I need to make it before stuff goes bad) and then I have to work a few hours tonight because I'm already a day behind and this weekend is used up with a party on Saturday that's in Eastern MA and then laundry on Sunday. Oh, and work. At least 8 hours worth.

Thursdays are the worst, because I'm sitting at work, in my controlled environment, doing my work - doing just one thing while listening to the iPod. And then when the system hangs or is slow I sit here, twitchy, thinking about all the stuff I need to do while I'm waiting for the computer to catch up with THIS ONE THING. Sometimes I sit and make lists. I try and plan out what I need to do when to get everything done, I make lists so that when I go home I, I have a plan.

I am riding the mood wave today - I wrote all that angst up above, and now I'm cruising a little more evenly. I think it's because now I'm listening to the All Songs Considered podcast, which is considerably less bleak than listening to This American Life.

I'm feeling better today; I can't help it. It's gorgeous out, Charlotte's napping, I made some kick-ass meals yesterday. But nothing has been really solved or resolved. I'm still overwhelmed and crazy and tired. And you can see it in this picture from yesterday:



Yesterday was Charlotte's 10-month birthday, by the way.

No plans, no resolution, and no conclusion. Happy Friday.